Ready for October!

As the last day of September begins I can't help but meet it with a smile on my face. I am so thankful and happy. I had a chat with my dad a little while ago (we have our best chats in the early hours) about my life, about what I wanted to do, wanted to see, wanted to accomplish. We talked about things I could/should do, and the tone was different than it has been before. At the end of the conversation my dad said "You should look into going abroad, it sounds like it's something you really want to do." Oh how right he was, but my fear has always been his disapproval for it. Other times we had talked about it and he would say "why do you want to go there for?" "what are you going to do there?" I know the idea of letting his first born and only daughter out in the world (further than a drive away) has terrifies him, and I know it does still, but I'm glad he realizes now that that would make me happiest. So that's what I'm going to look into now, teaching English abroad, because that would make me happy. I am ridiculously excited about it, you can't imagine.

Blah

I'm writing a novel in my head, yet I can't find the words on the keyboard. When the words do manage to find their way onto the page that old villain Mr. Backspace callously sweeps them all away, as if they were never written.

My head feels fuzzy, no doubt due to my most beloved friend, Sinus Pressure. He always seems to find me when there is cold air about, and instead of wrapping me in warmth, he digs his claws near my nose and eyes and refuses to let go. I am not suited for cold weather, but can only hope this is not a permanent condition.

Currently in a Frank Sinatra kind of mood, let me move aside thoughts and feelings, and allow you a glimpse into my mind

Frank Sinatra - "The Way You Look Tonight"

No promises

I'm a liar. What I mean to say is not that I mean to lie, but I have long promised to come and write about the last couple of months (the lost months), and I have failed to do so. To be honest I have not felt like writing much at all. I have a few hobbies, writing is one, and I tend to go through phases with them. The problem with me is that while I'm in one of my hobby phases, I devote myself completely. When I'm going through a reading phase for instance, I stop all other hobbies and I just want to read every chance I get, same for when I'm drawing (either with graphite or digital). Right now for instance I'm really into crochet, my new hobby, and I have little interest in any other hobby. I know I should write more often, not only because I enjoy it but because it is good for me; it allows me to drain all the thoughts that fill my head but I don't want to stop crocheting to write. There are a couple of books I'd like to read, but again I don't want to because time that I spend reading could be timed used to crochet. I have even let my nails go unmanicured. Is this healthy? I'm not sure, probably not, it seems borderline obsessive. It is a quarter past four and I only recently put down my crochet hook, I can't explain it, I feel like I need to do it.

So why am I here you ask, when I could spend this time crocheting a few more rounds in the Trojan band helmet pattern I'm working on. As of late my thoughts have been weighing heavy on me, and I don't really know what to make of them. I've been thinking about things from my past that I should not be thinking about, because I know that if my mind were clearer such thoughts would not occupy an inch in my head. But enough on that, I don't want to talk about that, I really have nothing to say on that subject.

Why is it that just now as I have begun to type that my nail length seems to bother me. I have typed other things on the computer recently, long documents in fact, and it is only now that I find my nails are too long.

I find myself in a rather odd situation at present. The answers should be clear, a real no brainer, and yet I am struggling with it. A lot more than I should/than I let on/than I want to. There is a guy, whom I like, a lot...a whole lot, a ridiculous amount even. I can't help it, I am very taken with him, even now when I haven't seen him in over a month. From what he says and all that I've gathered he likes me to, and says he misses me. What's the problem then you ask? Well he lives over 5,000 miles away. He was only here (in the US) for about a month, but we spent the majority (more like the entirety) of that month (July) getting to know each other. By now you may have guessed that he is British, and he is my Mr. Darcy in so many ways. As silly as it may seem one of my fondest memories I have of him is him reading Pride & Prejudice to me, in his lovely British accent. And much like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, when we first met, we did not initial like each other. He thought I was mean, and I thought he was stuffy and couldn't talk a joke. First impressions are not everything. I like him so much that I do not want to date anyone else. Someone asked me out on a date recently but I couldn't in good consciousness go out with someone who was interested in me, while I'm completely smitten with someone else. This guy rocks my socks!! Thinking about the time we shared together makes me smile and laugh. I truly miss him, and although we talk on facebook from time to time it is obviously not the same. There is this silly thing of an eight hour time difference and an entire ocean between us. Do I let him know how strong my feelings are for him? No, not the full extent, that would be impractical and ridiculous, besides guys don't like clingy girls, right? Does he have a girlfriend? possible, very likely in fact (though he told me he didn't) but this isn't of much importance to me. Him and I are so much alike, in all the best ways of course, and though the circumstances are not at all ideal, I am so, so, so glad I met him.

Summer's end

I'm back. I never meant to be away for so long either, but it amazes me how quickly time seems to go by these days. Let me acquaint you with all that happened in the last two months.

July - This is probably going to  be my best/worst month all year

July 7 - Went on date with a British lad named Daniel (this proves to be important later)
July 8 - Saw my bestie Lee for the last time before he went back to England
July 9 - Met a lovely guy, Adrian (Ade for short) who was going to try and fill Lee's shoes
July 10 - Spontaneous trip to Wal-Mart with Ade
July 12-19 - Travel alone for the first time in my life - Texas bound
July 22 - Best night ever! I had so much fun this night.
July 24 - The day I lost my best friend

August - Average after the amazingness that was July

August 6 - Last time I saw Ade before he went back home
August 10 - Moved back home (home repairs = stayed at my aunt's)
August 12 - Finished my first crochet project (three years in the making)
August 19 - Met a different Lee
August 24 - Found a new direction in life
August 27 - Had dinner with my "best friend"

And there it is, a summary of the last two months. There are a few things I would like to talk more about in detail in the next few posts.

1. My trip to Texas
2. Losing my best friend
3. Crocheting as my new hobby
4. Ade
5. New direction for my life