No promises

I'm a liar. What I mean to say is not that I mean to lie, but I have long promised to come and write about the last couple of months (the lost months), and I have failed to do so. To be honest I have not felt like writing much at all. I have a few hobbies, writing is one, and I tend to go through phases with them. The problem with me is that while I'm in one of my hobby phases, I devote myself completely. When I'm going through a reading phase for instance, I stop all other hobbies and I just want to read every chance I get, same for when I'm drawing (either with graphite or digital). Right now for instance I'm really into crochet, my new hobby, and I have little interest in any other hobby. I know I should write more often, not only because I enjoy it but because it is good for me; it allows me to drain all the thoughts that fill my head but I don't want to stop crocheting to write. There are a couple of books I'd like to read, but again I don't want to because time that I spend reading could be timed used to crochet. I have even let my nails go unmanicured. Is this healthy? I'm not sure, probably not, it seems borderline obsessive. It is a quarter past four and I only recently put down my crochet hook, I can't explain it, I feel like I need to do it.

So why am I here you ask, when I could spend this time crocheting a few more rounds in the Trojan band helmet pattern I'm working on. As of late my thoughts have been weighing heavy on me, and I don't really know what to make of them. I've been thinking about things from my past that I should not be thinking about, because I know that if my mind were clearer such thoughts would not occupy an inch in my head. But enough on that, I don't want to talk about that, I really have nothing to say on that subject.

Why is it that just now as I have begun to type that my nail length seems to bother me. I have typed other things on the computer recently, long documents in fact, and it is only now that I find my nails are too long.

I find myself in a rather odd situation at present. The answers should be clear, a real no brainer, and yet I am struggling with it. A lot more than I should/than I let on/than I want to. There is a guy, whom I like, a lot...a whole lot, a ridiculous amount even. I can't help it, I am very taken with him, even now when I haven't seen him in over a month. From what he says and all that I've gathered he likes me to, and says he misses me. What's the problem then you ask? Well he lives over 5,000 miles away. He was only here (in the US) for about a month, but we spent the majority (more like the entirety) of that month (July) getting to know each other. By now you may have guessed that he is British, and he is my Mr. Darcy in so many ways. As silly as it may seem one of my fondest memories I have of him is him reading Pride & Prejudice to me, in his lovely British accent. And much like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, when we first met, we did not initial like each other. He thought I was mean, and I thought he was stuffy and couldn't talk a joke. First impressions are not everything. I like him so much that I do not want to date anyone else. Someone asked me out on a date recently but I couldn't in good consciousness go out with someone who was interested in me, while I'm completely smitten with someone else. This guy rocks my socks!! Thinking about the time we shared together makes me smile and laugh. I truly miss him, and although we talk on facebook from time to time it is obviously not the same. There is this silly thing of an eight hour time difference and an entire ocean between us. Do I let him know how strong my feelings are for him? No, not the full extent, that would be impractical and ridiculous, besides guys don't like clingy girls, right? Does he have a girlfriend? possible, very likely in fact (though he told me he didn't) but this isn't of much importance to me. Him and I are so much alike, in all the best ways of course, and though the circumstances are not at all ideal, I am so, so, so glad I met him.